Feeling something something . . .

The past few days have been as bi polar as I am -

Cage has been awesome, the party was awesome, the talks, the hangs - everything.

He is so awesome.

I felt bad for being so withdrawn - there is so much in my head.

I always get funny after anxiety attacks anyway - I am always cautious of drunk people anyway no matter how awesome they are. I just hope he doesn't think its him or anything.

And then there is Diablo - my partner, The second there is anything to do with domestic tasks or my friends everything turns into a full blown domestic. I just wish things could work. I want them to. He's already told me if we break up I'll never see him again, it shakes me to my core.

I can't let go of people no matter how bad they treat me.

When is good though its so so so so good but when its bad its totally heart breaking.

I just want to curl up sometimes and not wake up.

Sometimes I just want to leave but I cant bring myself, I don't want to give up yet.

While there is still good I wont give up.

I've learnt I can't watch Perks Of Being A Wallflower and Sliverlinings Play Book. So triggering so so so triggering.

*epic sigh* I start working out again tomorrow, going to plant some lovely seedlings I got and some seeds too. Growing things make me happy.

Once work starts I want to play WoW again and join a 24 hour gym due to the weird hours Ill be working.

I just have to keep my mind off it for a while.